Last night as my daughter crawled into bed with Lindsay and I (a nightly 3am occurrence), she surprised me by answering “yes” when I asked if she wanted to cuddle with me.
These moments are almost always reserved for Linds, except when she’s really tired, I bribe her with candy, or I’m the only one around.
But last night she sleepily nodded her head and reached for me as we settled into the mixture of blankets and pillows.
She laid her head on my arm as we both closed our eyes.
But I didn’t fall asleep.
I stayed awake, lying in the dark listening to my little girl breathe.
Her mouth was only inches from my ear and I could hear every part of each inhale and exhale as the oxygen went in and out of her tiny body.
I felt the warmth of her face on my shoulder, the weight of her hand on my chest, and the twitches in her feet as she drifted into her dreams.
It was by far one of the most intimate moments we’ve had.
As I stared into the darkness with my precious daughter in my arms, I kept wondering: Is this the kind of relationship God wants with me?
When it comes to how God sees His relationship with us, the Bible is full of parables, examples, and direct comparison to things like marriage and us being God’s kids, debateable the two most close, personal, intimate human relationships we can experience. It talks about how God wants to “know” us and “be known” by Him, using ancient words whose meanings for “know” are deeply intimate and personal.
Then I think of the moment I’m having with my daughter as I hold her close and feel her breathing.
Or I think of a passionate kiss with my wife after a time apart or a tender hug we share after resolving a fight.
I think of the physical heart-ache I feel when on the phone with one of my of closest friends as he’s crying on the other end, telling me about his dad in the hospital.
I think of all these intensely intimate moments between me and the people on this planet I’m closest to.
Is that what my relationship with God is supposed to be like?
I long to have a close relationship with God, but if I’m being honest, I’m not sure I know what it looks like to be intimate with Him.
I get that God is within certain elements of the intimacy we have with people, but what about just Him and me?
I don’t have an answer.
I’m not even 100% of what question to ask.
I just know two things:
1). I want to know God and grow closer to Him every single moment of every single day.
2). I will always treasure the few moments of falling asleep next to Eva I got to experience last night.